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It started on a day much like today: fine, sunny, warm but not too warm, you get the idea. Just think of your perfect day, and that was what it was like. I didn't think anything unusual was going to happen. I mean, why would I? Nobody wakes up and thinks, "Today is the day where the rest of my life changes." And yet, change, it did.
What was I doing? Well I can remember the moment, but anything before that - it's blank. Like I said, it was a normal day. Why would I remember it? I probably woke up, had my morning cup of coffee, took a dump, made my breakfast, then ate it on the lawn. That's what I always do on my weekends: lay on my grass, stare up at the sun, and eat my breakfast. Some might say that the feeling of true freedom laying shirtless on the grass is not worth the terrible rash I develop on my back the next day, but I disagree. Some might say I should just put on a shirt, but again, I disagree.
It was definitely a weekend because the thing happened when I was laying on the grass.
The thing that happened was so unexpected that later I went back into the kitchen, checked my brown paper bag of mushrooms, checked the back of my pantry for my bag of magic mushrooms, and made sure I didn't accidentally mix them up when I made my omelette that morning. I knew I didn't because the magic ones still had tape over them - I hadn't opened them yet. So what I saw wasn't a figment of my imaginaton. What does that word mean, anyway? Figment? Does anyone ever use that word outside of "figment of my imagination"? Why can't people just say "imagination" then? It sounds like a weird mix between fig, and mints... it sounds delicious.
Anyway.
There I was, lying down, soaking up the sun, minding my own business. Then I heard a strange voice. It sounded very... well it sounded ridiculous if I'm being honest. It was all high-pitched, squeaky, and really really soft. Like reeeeeeeeeeally soft. If I wasn't laying on the ground, I wouldn't have been able to hear it.
The voice was saying, "Excuse me! Can you please help me! Please! For the love of God, please help me!"
I sat up immediately. I remember my plate with the omelette was on my chest, and when I sat up it spilled all over my boxers. I reckoned it was still clean, so I just pushed it back on my plate. But I couldn't hear the voice anymore. And I looked around and there was no one! Absolutely no one. I thought I must have dozed off into a microsleep and was dreaming something funny.
So I lay back down, and I heard the voice again! "Excuse me!" it was saying, almost like it was screaming. But again, the voice was reaaaaaaally soft.
I lifted my head slightly and the voice said, "Don't sit up! I'm on the ground! You won't be able to hear me!"
So I lay my head back down, and turned to my side.
"Yeah, over here please!"
I saw this strange ladybug... I mean it didn't look strange per se, it just looked like a regular ladybug. You know... it was round... dotty... red... I'm sure you know what a ladybug looks like I don't need to describe it to you!
Anyway. What was strange about it wasn't what it looked like, but what it was doing... it looked like it was jumping... if ladybugs can actually do that. Maybe it was just flying up and down really quickly.
But this was definitely where the voice was coming from. Ladybugs don't usually fly like that.
Anyway, I seriously thought I was high. So I asked the ladybug, "Am I high right now? Did I put those magic shrooms in this omelette?"
It told me I wasn't high. But I thought... isn't that what a figment of my imagination might tell me???
Anyway, I won't get too philosophical, but basically this ladybug tells me, "My name is Walter. I'm a human! Well, I was a human. I was actually a human for the majority of my life! Until I was 93 years old! I lived a long, long life, and I was ready to go! But I don't know what happened, I must have died and been reincarnated into an insect!"
"A ladybug," I said, hoping to clear things up with him in case he didn't know what type of insect. I like being helpful, after all.
"Yes, a ladybug," Walter replied. "I don't know what happened, I don't know if I've been cursed or something, but please, put me out of my misery. I'm ready to go, honestly, I am. I was ready a whole week before I actually died. I mean, died as a human."
"Are you telling me you want me to kill you?" I asked.
Walter told me to lower my voice - it was really loud for his tiny ears.
"I'm sorry," I lowered my voice to just above a whisper, "Are you telling me you want me to kill you?"
"Yes, please. Just put me out of my misery."
Now, if you know me - which, I realise you don't, but let me tell you. Anyone who knows me knows I can't kill things! I hate chopping up chicken that's already dead! It just seems so cruel! I just buy it cut up already, I mean I'm not gonna let chopping get in the way of my delicious fried chicken... I'm awfully scared of spiders too, but I never kill them, I just sort of awkwardly shoo at them until they leave through any of the open doors. I told Walter this.
"Honestly, I'm telling you, I'm the last person you could ask to kill an insect!"
"Please, son. Don't think of it as killing me. Think of it as... as... giving me a gift! A gift of... of peace! Yes, you'll be giving me peace! Isn't that the best thing you could hope to do as an animal lover? Give me peace?"
"Well... I guess when you put it like that, Walter. I guess you could call me some sort of a hero, huh? Facing my fears and sacrificing my values for your benefit. I guess I could do it."
"Excellent! Oh thank you so much!" He said to me.
Well, to cut a long story short, we did it. I stood up and moved to the paved part of my backyard, he flew down to the ground, and waited for me.
But oh, it's not like I'm that horrible. I made sure to bend down and ask him, "Any last words before we do this?"
All Walter said was: "Thank you."
I lifted my foot in the air... and killed him.
Anyway, what's the time now anyway? Ugh, he's so late today! Usually he would be here by now! That's why I'm stuck sitting here telling you this story, Mister Butterfly!
What was I doing? Well I can remember the moment, but anything before that - it's blank. Like I said, it was a normal day. Why would I remember it? I probably woke up, had my morning cup of coffee, took a dump, made my breakfast, then ate it on the lawn. That's what I always do on my weekends: lay on my grass, stare up at the sun, and eat my breakfast. Some might say that the feeling of true freedom laying shirtless on the grass is not worth the terrible rash I develop on my back the next day, but I disagree. Some might say I should just put on a shirt, but again, I disagree.
It was definitely a weekend because the thing happened when I was laying on the grass.
The thing that happened was so unexpected that later I went back into the kitchen, checked my brown paper bag of mushrooms, checked the back of my pantry for my bag of magic mushrooms, and made sure I didn't accidentally mix them up when I made my omelette that morning. I knew I didn't because the magic ones still had tape over them - I hadn't opened them yet. So what I saw wasn't a figment of my imaginaton. What does that word mean, anyway? Figment? Does anyone ever use that word outside of "figment of my imagination"? Why can't people just say "imagination" then? It sounds like a weird mix between fig, and mints... it sounds delicious.
Anyway.
There I was, lying down, soaking up the sun, minding my own business. Then I heard a strange voice. It sounded very... well it sounded ridiculous if I'm being honest. It was all high-pitched, squeaky, and really really soft. Like reeeeeeeeeeally soft. If I wasn't laying on the ground, I wouldn't have been able to hear it.
The voice was saying, "Excuse me! Can you please help me! Please! For the love of God, please help me!"
I sat up immediately. I remember my plate with the omelette was on my chest, and when I sat up it spilled all over my boxers. I reckoned it was still clean, so I just pushed it back on my plate. But I couldn't hear the voice anymore. And I looked around and there was no one! Absolutely no one. I thought I must have dozed off into a microsleep and was dreaming something funny.
So I lay back down, and I heard the voice again! "Excuse me!" it was saying, almost like it was screaming. But again, the voice was reaaaaaaally soft.
I lifted my head slightly and the voice said, "Don't sit up! I'm on the ground! You won't be able to hear me!"
So I lay my head back down, and turned to my side.
"Yeah, over here please!"
I saw this strange ladybug... I mean it didn't look strange per se, it just looked like a regular ladybug. You know... it was round... dotty... red... I'm sure you know what a ladybug looks like I don't need to describe it to you!
Anyway. What was strange about it wasn't what it looked like, but what it was doing... it looked like it was jumping... if ladybugs can actually do that. Maybe it was just flying up and down really quickly.
But this was definitely where the voice was coming from. Ladybugs don't usually fly like that.
Anyway, I seriously thought I was high. So I asked the ladybug, "Am I high right now? Did I put those magic shrooms in this omelette?"
It told me I wasn't high. But I thought... isn't that what a figment of my imagination might tell me???
Anyway, I won't get too philosophical, but basically this ladybug tells me, "My name is Walter. I'm a human! Well, I was a human. I was actually a human for the majority of my life! Until I was 93 years old! I lived a long, long life, and I was ready to go! But I don't know what happened, I must have died and been reincarnated into an insect!"
"A ladybug," I said, hoping to clear things up with him in case he didn't know what type of insect. I like being helpful, after all.
"Yes, a ladybug," Walter replied. "I don't know what happened, I don't know if I've been cursed or something, but please, put me out of my misery. I'm ready to go, honestly, I am. I was ready a whole week before I actually died. I mean, died as a human."
"Are you telling me you want me to kill you?" I asked.
Walter told me to lower my voice - it was really loud for his tiny ears.
"I'm sorry," I lowered my voice to just above a whisper, "Are you telling me you want me to kill you?"
"Yes, please. Just put me out of my misery."
Now, if you know me - which, I realise you don't, but let me tell you. Anyone who knows me knows I can't kill things! I hate chopping up chicken that's already dead! It just seems so cruel! I just buy it cut up already, I mean I'm not gonna let chopping get in the way of my delicious fried chicken... I'm awfully scared of spiders too, but I never kill them, I just sort of awkwardly shoo at them until they leave through any of the open doors. I told Walter this.
"Honestly, I'm telling you, I'm the last person you could ask to kill an insect!"
"Please, son. Don't think of it as killing me. Think of it as... as... giving me a gift! A gift of... of peace! Yes, you'll be giving me peace! Isn't that the best thing you could hope to do as an animal lover? Give me peace?"
"Well... I guess when you put it like that, Walter. I guess you could call me some sort of a hero, huh? Facing my fears and sacrificing my values for your benefit. I guess I could do it."
"Excellent! Oh thank you so much!" He said to me.
Well, to cut a long story short, we did it. I stood up and moved to the paved part of my backyard, he flew down to the ground, and waited for me.
But oh, it's not like I'm that horrible. I made sure to bend down and ask him, "Any last words before we do this?"
All Walter said was: "Thank you."
I lifted my foot in the air... and killed him.
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But! He wasn't dead! Well, I mean, he actually was dead, I definitely squashed him under my foot - I should have actually put on some sandals or something 'cause I had to wash poor Walter's squished body off my foot and that made me feel horrible.
But anyway, he actually came back the next day! As a different ladybug! I don't know what it is with this guy, but he keeps coming back as a ladybug! I've been killing him day after day after day! Well, actually it's more like week after week, because he only visits me on the weekends when I'm laying on the grass.
I kill this guy week after week after week! And he never dies! Never!
But anyway, he actually came back the next day! As a different ladybug! I don't know what it is with this guy, but he keeps coming back as a ladybug! I've been killing him day after day after day! Well, actually it's more like week after week, because he only visits me on the weekends when I'm laying on the grass.
I kill this guy week after week after week! And he never dies! Never!
Anyway, what's the time now anyway? Ugh, he's so late today! Usually he would be here by now! That's why I'm stuck sitting here telling you this story, Mister Butterfly!
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I look down at the butterfly that landed on my toe while I was waiting for Walter to emerge. It didn't know what I was saying. It just kept fluttering around and landing on different toes. I missed Walter.
Suddenly, the thought popped into my head: maybe this was it. Maybe it worked this time. Maybe Walter was actually de-
"Hello again, dear boy." I hear a high pitched, tiny voice near my right ear. Walter now flies up to my ear to talk - since I know it's him, I won't swat at him.
"Oh! Walter! I was just thinking you maybe... weren't going to be here today..."
"Oh, no, I just had a run in with a spider... had to dodge it."
"Walter, I've told you before, why don't you just let yourself die naturally? Maybe that'll do it for you."
"I don't know," Walter said, "What if it doesn't work and I come back as something worse? Like a snail? It'd take me years to get to you if I were a snail!"
"Great point, Walter. Snails suck. What are they good for anyway? Nothing except leaving weird sex slime all over the ground. Oh, hey, I visited your grave the other day! It's got flowers and everything!"
"Really?" Walter said. "Fresh flowers? Well, what day is it, son?"
"It's the 5th of April, sir."
"5th of April! Wow, it's my birthday! I would be 94 right now! My darling wife or my dear daughters must have left those flowers for me. Wow, I'm a lucky guy."
"Hey, I have an idea!" I jumped up, Walter staying on my ear. "Why don't we go there now, and you can see for yourself? Before I kill you at least."
"Wow, that would be an excellent idea, son. Let's go! Oooh, by the way, how did that date go?"
"It went well! I actually really like her. I asked her out on a second date, and we're going for dinner on Tuesday. Thanks for asking, I haven't actually spoken to too many people about her."
As we get into my car, Walter flies away from my ear, and plops himself onto my dashboard.
"Oh, it's the highlight of my lives now, son, to catch up with you."
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Word Count: 1665 words
Comment: I found this prompt via the instagram account @writing.prompt.s. When I first read it, it seemed like a ridiculous prompt, and so I made it a ridiculous story with some ridiculous characters. It was a silly little writing experiment, and I had fun with it.
Comment: I found this prompt via the instagram account @writing.prompt.s. When I first read it, it seemed like a ridiculous prompt, and so I made it a ridiculous story with some ridiculous characters. It was a silly little writing experiment, and I had fun with it.
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