17/02/2020: Valentine's Day

It is a bright, sunny day, and yet I feel miserable as I pound the pavement on my way to work. Valentine's Day decorations are strewn all over the city, making my stomach churn. I know surely I cannot be the only one not celebrating, but everyone around me seems to be carrying some type of Valentine's Day treat, whether it's flowers, a box of chocolates, or some other type of pampering they have inflicted on themselves.

Society has never been subtle about celebrating Valentine's Day, the day where all single people celebrate their independence.

Me, on the other hand, am in a relationship.

I don't like to bring it up unless someone asks, because every time I do, there's always that look of pity, a placement of a 'comforting' hand on the shoulder, or the classic, "I really hope you find love for yourself, you deserve to be happy!"

Of course, I could just buy my own bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates and blend in with the rest of the crowd in the city, but the second I walk into work, my colleagues will start their pity party for me again, assuming that my partner bought them for me.

I sigh as I quickly step aside to avoid a woman (wearing an indiscreet "I HEART ME" t-shirt) carrying a huge bouquet of flowers in her arms; the bouquet swings precariously from side to side as the woman flaunts every bit of singleness in her body.

Don't get me wrong, I don't actually hate single people. In fact, I'd love to be single. It's just that for the majority of my life, I've been in a relationship, and for some reason I can't seem to be single.

I sometimes catch myself wishing I could break up with my partner and flaunt the single life. I could be totally independent, I could do whatever I wanted to do, and I wouldn't have to rely on or answer to anyone else.

But the fact is... I can't stand being by myself. I loathe myself, and when I'm not with my partner, or with other people, I just feel so horribly lonely. It's quite frankly really pathetic.

I wonder how single people do it. To be so confident in life, to be so loving to yourself, to prioritise self-care... I want that. I really, really want that.

I know my partner feels the same way. We love each other, but... we both know we're ashamed of each other. If either of us could completely change our personalities, we'd dump each other in a heartbeat. It's even worse when society has days like Valentine's to celebrate singleness, and the rest of us are left to doing double dates to make ourselves feel a little less lonely.

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Word count: 465

Comment: Valentine's Day has just passed around and I thought about a society where singleness and independence were celebrated, and being in a relationship was pitied. I think it is so cruel and unfair that our current society celebrates love and makes single people feel like they are of less value, or to be pitied. I know a lot of single people who love being single, and I know that when I was single that was definitely a great time for finding yourself, loving yourself, and being comfortable being alone.

Being in a relationship is nice, but I think a relationship can only be strong if both people are comfortable being on their own. You shouldn't have to be dependent on a partner because you're scared of being single or being alone; I think if this were the case then there would be a lot of unrealistic expectations of relationships filling up some sort of empty void in yourselves. If you rely on your partner to fill your empty void, then the energy they use to fill your void might create an empty void in themselves as well, and you end up with a relationship that has a few holes in it.

Rather, you should fill that empty void with your own self love, and you should be a whole, complete person before entering a relationship. That way, the relationship is made of two strong independent people, whose wholeness adds to each others' lives.